How to Care for Your Fatherless Loves Ones on Father's Day

Father’s Day can be beautiful.

It can also be complicated, painful, triggering, tender, annoying, lonely, overwhelming, or all of the above before breakfast.

For some people, Father’s Day is a day of celebration. For others, it is a day they brace themselves for. A day filled with emails about “the perfect gift for Dad,” social media tributes, restaurant specials, school crafts, and a whole lot of reminders that their dad is not here.

Or was never there in the way they needed.

Or that their relationship with their father is complicated.

Or that fatherhood itself is carrying grief.

Father’s Day can be hard for so many people: those who have lost a father, those who never had a father, those who are estranged from their father, those who wanted to become a father, those grieving a child, those grieving the father they wish they had, and those whose grief does not fit neatly into a greeting card aisle.

And if you love someone who may be hurting on Father’s Day, you might wonder what to do.

Do you say something?

Do you ignore it?

Do you wait for them to bring it up?

Do you send a text and then immediately throw your phone across the room because feelings are hard and being human is awkward?

I get it.

It can feel uncomfortable to reach out when you do not know what to say.

But here is what I want you to know:
You do not need perfect words.
You just need honest ones, from the heart.

Acknowledge the Day

One of the kindest things you can do is simply acknowledge that Father’s Day may be hard.

You do not have to write a speech. You do not have to fix their grief (spoiler: you can't). You do not have to make it poetic, profound, or Instagram-worthy. You simply have to be real and genuine.

You can say:

“I’m thinking of you today.”

That sentence alone can mean so much.

Because grief can feel incredibly lonely, especially on days when the rest of the world seems to be celebrating. A simple message can remind someone, “You are not forgotten. Your person is not forgotten. Your grief makes sense.”

And that matters.

Speak From the Heart

If you are worried about saying the wrong thing, you are not alone.

Most people are not taught how to talk about grief. So we freeze. We overthink. We say nothing because we are afraid of making it worse.

But silence can often feel more painful than imperfect words.

You can be honest. You can say:

“I have no idea what to say, but I wanted you to know I’m thinking of you.”

That is not a failure. That is human. This is beautiful, kind, and caring.

Lead with love instead of perfection.

Choose the Form of Communication That Makes Sense

There are so many ways to reach out.

You can send a text.

A voice memo.

A DM.

A card.

An email.

A Voxer.

A WhatsApp message.

A Marco Polo.

A phone call, if that is your relationship, and not everyone’s personal nightmare.

A coffee drop-off.

A handwritten note.

You get the idea.

The point is not the platform. The point is the care.

Choose the form of communication that feels natural for your relationship and for the person you are reaching out to. Some people appreciate a phone call. Some people would rather be launched into the sun than answer the phone while grieving.

Know your person.

And when in doubt, a simple text is a beautiful place to start.

Words You Can Say to Someone Grieving on Father’s Day

Here are some gentle, real-life examples you can use or adapt.

“Thinking of you today. No need to respond — just wanted you to know I’m sending love.”

“I know today can be hard, and I want you to know I’m thinking of you.”

“I have no idea what to say, but I want you to know I’m thinking of you and remembering your dad, Eric, today.”

“I never knew your dad, but I wish I did. Sending you so much love today.”

“Thinking of you and your dad today. I remember the time when he…”

“I know today can be hard. I’m free at 3 if you want to grab coffee. I can pick you up. If not, no pressure at all — I just want you to know I’m here.”

“Thinking of you today. You don’t have to respond. I just didn’t want the day to pass without letting you know I care.”

That last part is important: Let them know they do not need to respond if they don't feel up to it.

Grief can be exhausting. Even kind messages can feel like one more thing to answer when someone is emotionally depleted.

A “no need to respond” text gives the gift without adding a task.

If You Knew Their Dad, Share a Memory

If you knew their father, one of the most meaningful things you can do is share a specific memory.

Not a generic “he was great,” although that is kind too.

But something like:

“I was thinking about your dad today and remembered how he always…”

“Your dad’s laugh popped into my mind this morning.”

“I’ll never forget the time your dad was laughing so hard that we almost got kicked out of the movie theater.”

Specific memories are powerful because they remind the grieving person that their loved one existed beyond their own memory. That other people still carry pieces of them, too.

That can be incredibly comforting.

If You Did Not Know Their Dad, You Can Still Say Something

You do not need to have known someone’s father to acknowledge their grief.

You can say:

“I never knew your dad, but I know how much you love him.”

“I wish I had gotten to know him.”

“I’m thinking of you and your dad today.”

“I know this day can bring up a lot. Sending love.”

Do not pretend to have a connection you did not have. Simply honor the connection your loved one had.

Offer Something Concrete

“Let me know if you need anything” is well-intentioned, but it can be hard for someone grieving to answer, as it's putting the onus on them. As the supporting person, it is important not to add to their mental load.

A concrete offer is easier to receive. Try:

“I’m free at 3 if you want coffee on Tuesday.”

“I can drop dinner off tonight. Pizza or Chinese?”

“I’m going for a walk later if you want company.”

“I can take the kids for an hour if you want some space.”

“I’m lighting a candle for your dad today.”

“I’m sending you coffee — no need to reply.”

The goal is not to force support. It is to make support easier to accept.

And always leave room for them to say no.

Do Not Try to Bright Side It (NO forced gratitude here, please!)

A gentle reminder: Father’s Day grief does not need a silver lining. There is none.

Avoid saying things like:

“At least you had a good dad.” (Actually, when talking to a griever, NEVER EVER EVER EVER SAY "at least.')

“He would want you to be happy.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“You should focus on the good memories.”

“It’s been so many years.” (There is NO timeline on grief.)

Even when said with love, these kinds of comments can feel dismissive and invalidating.

Instead, try:

“It makes sense that this day brings up a lot.”

“I’m here with you.”

“You don’t have to be okay today.”

Grief does not need to be fixed. It needs to be witnessed.

Remember That Father’s Day Grief Can Change Over Time

Since my dad died, Father’s Day has been a challenging day for me.

In the early years, it was much more raw. There were definitely days when the best I could do was lie on the couch and binge Netflix. Honestly, sometimes that was the plan and the coping strategy.

Then my husband became a father, and the day changed shape and still continues to.

Now I want him to have a special day. I want to celebrate him. I want my children to experience Father’s Day with joy and love.

And I still acknowledge my grief.

The focus has changed, but the grief has not disappeared.

That is the thing about grief. It evolves. It shifts. It softens in some places and surprises you in others. It is non-linear.

A person may be okay one year and not okay the next. They may want company one Father’s Day and solitude the next. They may want to celebrate the fathers in their lives and still ache for the father they lost.

Both can be true. Both/And.

The Most Important Thing: Do Not Disappear

You do not have to get it exactly right. (You likely won't, and that's okay as long as you come from a place of caring.)

You do not have to have the perfect sentence. (Again, that doesn't exist. There is literally nothing you could say that will bring their father back.)

You do not have to know whether they will cry, respond, ignore the message, or send you a heart emoji three days later. (Don't have any expectations.)

Reach out anyway.

Not to try and 'fix' the day.

Not to make the grief go away.

Not to be the perfect supportive person.

Reach out to remind them they are loved.
Reach out to remind them their grief is not invisible.
Reach out to remind them their person is not forgotten.

Sometimes the simplest message can become the thing someone carries with them through a hard day.

“I’m thinking of you today.”

That counts.

That matters.

That is love.

I’d Love to Hear From You

If Father’s Day is complicated for you, what kind of support feels most comforting?

And if you love someone who is grieving, what is one small way you can let them know they are not alone this year?

Related Reading

• If you are the one grieving on Father’s Day:
  When Grief Doesn't Take the Day Off: A Father's Day Survival Note

• If you are navigating grief while mothering: The Dead Dad Club Diaries

A Gentle Resource

If Father’s Day brings up more than you expected, you are not alone.

cause sometimes the thing we need most is a reminder that our feelings make sense.

I created my guided journal and Truth Cards as gentle companions for the emotional side of motherhood, grief, and being human — because sometimes the thing we need most is a reminder that our feelings make sense.

You can explore them in Your Non-Linear Journey Shop.