Introducing The Non-Linear Journey in Writing

My Non-Linear Journey.

This has been in the works for a very, very long time. Its name, format, and topics have changed many, many times. Sometimes it would be scribbles in a notebook or notes on my old DOS computer. Other times the words were locked up in the deep crevices of my heart, itching to come out, but too scared to be witnessed or dismissed.

It is scary for me to launch this for many reasons. It’s my raw grief that I’m laying out for the world to see, my deepest feelings, my thoughts, and my fears, all in writing.

It is my story - the way I remember it - my truth, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

It’s also an invitation for others to share their stories, their grief, their hearts and be witnessed.

Sharing my writing brings goosebumps to my skin. Since I was little, I have always loved to write. I thought I’d be a writer. Until I didn’t. Until I wasn’t. I remember in middle school, I was writing my first young adult novel - a mystery that took place in colonial times (in Roanoke, Virginia, specifically). The fact that I remember this so vividly illustrates the negative impact that it had on me and that I still remember after over 3 decades!!!!

I worked on it all weekend on my very old black & white DOS computer, a computer that I felt so lucky to have. I proudly showed a printout to my English teacher on that Monday. To this day, I don’t remember what she said exactly. I do remember that it hurt me and destroyed my confidence in my writing at the time. I remember where I was standing, the look of the room, the look on her face as she was talking. I remember her hairstyle. I remember her name which I will not share here.

I was young, impressionable, and utterly shattered by her words. I never stopped writing - I just stopped letting anyone see it. Until now.

That was a grieving experience. It took me a very long time to learn that those feelings were grief. It took me becoming a grief specialist, helping others, and doing my own inner work to identify that it was grief. It took me even longer to work through the grief and build the courage to share my writing again.

So here we are. I’m proud to be here and sharing my non-linear journey. The title of my company, my blog, was created by the words of my dying father. Before he died, he shared that time is non-linear and that he will always be with me. And he is always with me.

Throughout my writing, I will talk about grief and all that it is. Grief is not just death, and divorce but any change in our lives - positive and negative (think having a very much wanted to baby. Talk about a huge change - this too is grief!!). I will write in detail about Matrescence, motherhood, and all that it entails. I will also share about all the grief and joy around becoming a mother. There is so much joy tinged with grief that we do not talk about enough. And of course, I will write about my adventures with my threenager and one-year-old.

I share about losing my dad to a nasty brain cancer. My writing can be pretty morbid at times, but if you’re an unwilling card-carrying member of the #deaddadsclub, you’ll likely relate to my writing. I do always try to include trigger warnings so that you can decide for yourself if you want to read or not.

I will share about having to put down my two furbabies - a 23-pound orange mountain lion look-alike and a mainecoon diva - the first loves of my life. Pets hold a special place in my heart. Another disenfranchised loss not talked about nearly enough.

I will share my tales of living in China and Israel and all my travels across Southeast Asia and Europe and whatever comes to mind that I want to share.

My writing isn’t always heavy - I can be pretty snarky. I'm told I'm pretty funny too (though I NEVER seem to be funny when I want to be).

I write from my heart and use as many commas and exclamation marks as my little heart desires in the moment.

Thank you for being on this non-linear journey with me.